Silent strings
Today is my “Nylon Strings Anniversary.” Three years ago in July I had given up trying to the learn the guitar. Again. It was frustrating, and I wasn’t getting anywhere, and after one particularly maddening night, I packed up everything music-related and shoved it in my closet, to be forgotten forever after. I was done.
A, a long-time guitarist himself, had been encouraging me since we met, but he knew a hissy-fit when he saw one, and kept his peace until I’d cooled down a bit. And then he suggested I put nylon strings on my guitar, saying they’d be easier on my fingers. I thought about it for awhile, and on August 8th, I left him a note that I’d gone to the music store to buy nylon strings. He was tickled. He then suggested that I name my guitar, and I did. After that, she was no longer just an instrument; she was a friend. And after that, things began to look up, and slowly I started learning to play. I’m still learning, but more importantly, I’m still playing. And I wouldn’t have gotten that guitar out of the closet without his nudging. I am a guitarist because of him.
He was always very proud of me, proud of my progress, and we spent a lot of time talking about music, about my progress and memories of his own learning days. When we were together, we’d play, though I couldn’t keep up and would often just end up listening to him. He never grew tired of me babbling like the noob I am, and said my enthusiasm for it excited his own life-long love of playing. He coached me and cheered me on and comforted me when I was frustrated. We could talk about guitar stuff endlessly, and did. We celebrated every advance, every victory, and my 1-year anniversary of playing. The second anniversary, I was without him, awash in fresh grief. I have no one to talk to about guitars now, about music, about so many things. There are so many holes in my life where he used to be. So many holes…
It is my third anniversary of playing guitar, and no one in the world knows it but me. That’s a lonely place to be.
God, I miss you Sweetie.