A moment
There’s a guy at work with the same name as my sweetheart. For probably 2 months after my boy passed, saying or writing this guy’s name, to him or to anyone else, was a knife in my heart. Now, it just gives me a little twinge, although I have come to find that some unnamed part of me is appeased to be able to speak his name regularly, however out of context.
When I got back from lunch today, there was a little flashing button on the bottom of my screen letting me know I had an instant message waiting. It had his, or rather, their name on it and lit up orange, just as the button for my sweetheart had twice a day, every day, at work. And I caught my breath and just stared at it. It was probably just a split second before I recognized that it was my coworker, but there was an infinity in that moment.
My heart breaks a little every time mail comes to the house addressed to him. There is still that momentary expectation that the intended recipient CAN still pick it up ‘when he comes in.’ I can appreciate your startled sensation.