6 of one, half a dozen the other
I spent a good portion of last night lying on the floor with my dog. She’s not doing well at all. She labors to breathe and is panting constantly, because her heart is so enlarged that there seems to be no room for her lungs to work. And because the heart isn’t pumping the blood as it should, she is starved for oxygen. She cannot get ahead.
I pet her, and fed her ice cubes, since she turned up her nose at food. It took a heavy sell job and the threat of her brother stealing her treat to get her to take the pill that eases her coughing caused by her enlarged heart pressing on her trachea. It’s not working very well anymore, but it’s all I have. I told her I loved her. I told her that I’m sorry I couldn’t save her from this, couldn’t do better by her. And then I just cried. My baby is dying. Other people may not love their animals like people, but I do. She has been my child for 10 years. And it seems that I am going to lose my child on the heels of losing my beloved.
That seems like a lot in less than a year. Too much. Not that it coming at any other time would be any less heart-wrenching. But damn.
The vet is coming over tonight to see what can be done to make her more comfortable. She hasn’t given up food entirely, just mostly. She isn’t sleeping all the time. She seems to be pretty chipper despite everything, and I don’t understand how. But she’s still trying to beg my dinner off of me, despite the fact that it’s too full of salt for me to give her any anymore. I don’t want her to suffer, and I don’t want her to go. And I hope that she will just slip away in her sleep one of these nights. But I’m not giving up until she does, and I’m not seeing that quite yet. I have a feeling it will be soon.
And I now know firsthand: It is no better to watch someone you love die slowly than to lose them suddenly. Either way, it’s the worst.
She knows that you love her and are taking care of her. The fact that you are seeing her through this, right there by her side is a beautiful thing. I hope she does not suffer and that she passes blissfully into the waiting arms of A at some point. I will pray for strength for each of you. She is lucky to have you, and vice versa. Another challenge, things keep getting put into perspective….enough already!
Amen. I’ve told A that she’s his to take care of when the time comes. They were buddies.
My heart goes out to your and your baby. She knows that you love herand that you are doing all that you can for her. I hope the vet can to make her more comfortable.