I was reading old e-mails between A and myself Thursday afternoon, some of the first ones we ever sent. I see now that I was "on," trying to impress, and acting like a dork because of it; I am embarrassed ex post facto. But either he liked it, saw right through it, or both, because he didn’t seem to mind, bless his heart. I got to an e-mail exchange where we were talking about him starting a new life once his divorce was final, and him having so much to look forward to, with his granddaughter about to be born, and I said to him "You have your whole life ahead of you, plenty of time," or something to that effect. And I meant it, then.
And now? Now I feel like I lied to him.
2 years. I really think he deserved more. And I know I wasn’t anywhere near done adoring him.